Favorite Facebook Observation

Originally a facebook note from Sunday, November 15, 2009 at 11:17pm

Ever since facebook has introduced the new news feed that everyone hates so dearly, I am notified of each and every "friend" being tagged in pictures and albums. I am not trying to be a creepy stalker; facebook by default does the stalking for me. But I can't resist looking at the ubiquitous red-cup pictures that pop up in my news feed sometimes. You know, the same pictures from a party or "crazy weekend" that are full of pizza-faced frat boys with their hats on sideways, and girls with their fake orange tans, caked up foundation, and North Face jackets... both genders holding either a Natural Light or Keystone Light beer (or some other piss-water of sorts) in their hands. Or mid-beer pong throw. Or mid-chug.

But that's not what my favorite thing is. My favorite thing occurs over a few months or more. It's when these certain people I always see in my news feed keep partying on a consistent basis, and allow a gazillion pictures of themselves to be tagged... thus publicly displaying the process of an alcohol-induced weight gain via facebook. It's the best when it's someone that frequents my news feed with beer bongs, or someone who always brags in their status updates about how many shots they had the previous night. Especially when this habit is kept up over a year or so. Then they really have some time to pack on the pounds, and the gradual progression is captured all in tagged pictures. It's amazing.

What makes the pictures even funnier is if the person...

-is in a sorority.
-is in a fraternity.
-is wearing a North Face jacket.
-is wearing Ugg boots.
-has a cell phone in hand.
-has a big wad of gum in their mouth.
-is proudly displaying the drink of choice.
-is playing a drinking game.
-is doing poorly in classes.
-is obviously older than everyone else at the party, but acts like they are not.
-is wearing a shirt that says "princess" or "hottie."
-is wearing a shirt with some sort of sexual innuendo.
-if there are pictures of scantily clad women/men on the wall behind them.
-if the picture has a really stupid caption (ex: Soooo drunk, omg, luv u bitchez <3 <3 ).
-is often missing from their morning classes.
-is supposedly on a diet.
-has "spilled a drink" on their pants.
-when someone in the background is puking/falling.

I people watch a lot. I like to think that I can read into people quite well, for the most part. I like watching people react to things. I've seen and heard some pretty absurd things. And still, these pictures that show up in my news feed are just so hilarious... the best part is that I don't even have to leave the comfort of my home to watch it happen. I don't understand why people watch mind-rotting garbage like "The Hills," "Laguna Beach," "The Real World," et cetera when there is a plentiful amount of genuine and unstaged reality (and hilarity) right in front of them.

And now that I think of it, using this note as my guide, a fun game could probably be made out of this, haaaa.

NOTE: I would like to point out that I don't care if people drink or party. I'm certain that almost everyone, myself included, drinks or parties sometimes. I also want to point out that I know not all frat boys or sorority girls are pizza-faced and wear North Face/Ugg combo wearing idiots. In fact, some are quite brilliant. It's just the girls wearing the combo of short-shorts or sweatpants with Ugg boots, a sloppy hair bun, North Face jacket, Vera Bradley bag (or tote with Greek letters on it), oversized sunglasses and a big wad of gum in their mouth make everyone else look bad. Same thing with the guys, except they are not as easy to point out clothing wise. Also, props to the people that frequent my news feed with their alcohol pictures, but have never gained weight.